Surrender

From as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be married and to have children. At times in my life, this desire of mine became my demise. I would go from one man to another creating a trail of disaster.

Around the time I turned 25, I started to really follow and dedicate myself to God, learning what it meant to be surrendered and how it looked to seek first God’s kingdom, but as I look back, not every area was surrendered to God. Seeking first God’s kingdom became my mantra, but I still held onto my way of finding a solid marriage.

I had moments of surrender, but then I would take it back. I was so desperate to be married. To be fair, I thought I had completely surrendered. Maybe I thought I was helping God find the right man? I know now looking back that I surrendered partially. I kept my grip secure on a few items like marriage.

When I look back on this time with an honest pair of glasses, I didn’t completely trust God. God never condemned me for this. Conviction came and still I chose my own way which led to a shattered heart. 

The man I dated before I met my husband was a counterfeit to what God had intended for me. Because of my impatience, I allowed my heart to be consumed by this man. God warned me. I didn’t surrender to God and bull-headedly, I jammed my heart into demise once again. The free will God gives us allowed me once again to leave myself broken again.

But…. God came with His love, grace, mercy, and compassion. 

Are you ready to surrender it all?  

At that point, I completely surrendered the idea, desire, want, and longing of marriage to God. 

The next day God didn’t plop Kyle, my husband, in my lap. God directed my steps and heart. He helped me know Him better, and my relationship with God grew. He specified the direction He was leading me. Before I knew it, I met my husband while I was seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. 

I had to seek first God before I got things added to me. I wanted the things added in my terms and way. However, God had much better plans for me. He was teaching me to seek first Him. Love Him first and then. Oh man am I grateful.

Before you close this browser, I encourage you to take a moment with God. Ask Him to help you if you are not fully surrendered or to show you (I still ask Him this on a regular basis). Be authentic with God and let Him teach you. He is kind, gentle, and long suffering. 

Sometimes it’s a trust thing or it’s a place of trauma, fear, and anxiety. Let Him soothe your soul. He loves you!

You’re Love, Cherished & Redeemed,

Devyn